warning: profane language.

just a heads up: there will definitely be profane language in this post. i'm going to tell you about my last conversations with zachary. they were good ones. you might just be proud of me... other than the language content. sorry.

thursday night: bad. very bad. i was helping a few friends out with their break-ups. we went over to kindra's house. chilled. i decided to call zachary. he answered. our conversation went something like this...
z: i can't talk right now
j: why not?
z: i'm tired. i need sleep, so i'll talk to you later.
j: we haven't talked in a week. what the hell is wrong? why won't you talk to me?
z: i'm going to bed, jacki. i'll talk to you later.
j: i know something is going on. is someone at your house?
z: i'm going. bye.
at that moment, i knew there was a girl there. i knew it. so i was pissed and cried the whole night.

friday: i was feeling better. i knew there was no reason to be upset. he's not worth it. so i got up. got dressed and looked hot. i went out for lunch with danni and kindra. when i was leaving the restaurant, zachary called. we fought. again. he told me that there was a girl there. he has been hanging out with her for a while. she's been spending the night almost every night. that's why he hasn't called. that's bullshit. i told him that's bullshit. we've been friends for five years and that's how he's going to treat me? he had to go, so he told me he would call me later. i started crying. hard. i called lance. lance has a way... a way of getting me pissed off about things. after crying and talking to lance, i got pissed. more pissed than i have EVER been in my entire life. i knew right then that i was done with zachary. done. i was ready to talk to him again. i was ready to get all my anger out. i texted zachary and told him i wanted all the shit i ever gave him. i wanted it all back. after a while, he called me back. he said no. that was my breaking point. i went, as they say, "ape shit." i was standing outside of main street cafe, shouting at him, telling him everything i've ever wanted to say. his response?
"you're talking crazy shit, jacki. you're talking crazy. you need to calm down. damn. just calm down."
all i could do was laugh. i was just tearing him apart. oh, it was great. i should have charged admission for that. he told me the only way i'm getting anything is if we hang out. fine. i'll hang out with him. i'm not guaranteeing his safety, though. i'll be all up in his face about this stuff because i know i won't be able to stand him for more than two minutes. maybe i'll just grab my shit and leave. if he says anything, i'll jack him in the face. well, of course he had to leave again and he said he'd call me when he got off work. well, he did and he was in for it again. i yelled at him again. i'm not taking his shit anymore. i'm done. i told him that all he has to do it give me my shit back and he won't have to deal with me ever again.
"but that's not what i want, jacki. i want to be friends with you. i want to hang out."
no. i will NOT hang out with him. that's bullshit. after everything i've done for him, after all the time and effort and money and emotion i wasted on that stupid boy... no. i'm not putting myself through it again. i told him that. he doesn't understand what he did wrong. he was only trying to keep me from getting hurt. fuck that. it hurts worse to know that he has lied to me about that girl, to know that he can't take 10 minutes away from his time with her to call and see how i'm doing. we've been friends for five fuckin years and he can't even take 10 minutes. i don't need that. i am NOT going to be his fall-back girl. i will not hang out with him once a month and then, if something bad happens with this girl, be expected to hang out with him all the time again. no. fuck that and fuck him. i am done.

please don't ask me about him ever again unless i would happen to make a comment or something. it'll help me out a lot.

once again, sorry for the language. i'm just a pissed off bitch.