stupid plays. stupid boys.

"i wanted those moments - few and far between as they were. i wanted whatever time and affection you could give me. no matter what it cost me. i felt like you found comfort in me. and maybe i wasn't your first choice, you know? but i was glad that i was somewhere on the list. i let it happen again and again, more times than i can even count. you wanted to keep things casual; you wanted to keep me at arm's length. it didn't matter. i love you, anyway. i've seen the best and the worst of you, and i love you. i love your kindness and your strength. i love the way you can tell me what i'm thinking. i love the way you tell a story, drawing me in. i love you for all the times you convinced me, with a stupid joke, or even just a look, to stop talking to myself so seriously and just enjoy my life. nothing could ever make me regret the way i feel about you. what i feel for you isn't a negative thing. it makes me better; it makes my life better. that's what i've been trying to say: love is never wrong."

i came across this monologue when i was doing research for my theater class. i was browsing a monologue website, just clicking on different plays that i had never heard of. i just happened to click on this one. this monologue that describes my stupid situation with zachary. i have to admit, i am feeling a little better. i was really happy yesterday. didn't think about him at all. didn't cry at all. i had a little relapse this morning, but i'm doing ok now. i just need to keep myself busy. i think that will work soon because i start training for starbucks next week.

sigh. i do miss him though...