August 25, 2008

columbus.

well, it has been decided... i'm moving to columbus next week.

August 19, 2008

it killed me.

zachary called me today. i had to hear his voice...
it killed me.

August 9, 2008

completed.

with the help of Martin, i got the setlist from the Radiohead concert i went to. i, of course, was way too crazed and in complete shock from seeing them to actually write that shit down. but here it is.. the AMAZING setlist...

-MAIN SET-
1. "15 Steps" [In Rainbows]
2. "Bodysnatchers" [In Rainbows]
3. "There, There" [Hail To The Thief]
4. "All I Need" [In Rainbows]
5. "Pyramid Song" [Amnesiac]
6. "Nude" [In Rainbows]
7. "Weird Fishes/Arpeggi" [In Rainbows]
8. "The Gloaming" [Hail To The Thief]
9. "Climbing Up The Walls" [OK Computer]
10. "Faust Arp" [In Rainbows]
11. "Videotape" [In Rainbows]
12. "Morning Bell" [Amnesiac version]
13. "Idioteque" [Kid A]
14. "Reckoner" [In Rainbows]
15. "Everything In Its Right Place" [Kid A]
16. "Just" [The Bends]
17. "How To Disapper Completely" [Kid A]

-ENCORE I-
18. "You and Whose Army?" [Amnesiac]
19. "Bangers & Mash" [In Rainbows B-side]
20. "Exit Music (For A Film)" [OK Computer]
21. "Jigsaw Falling Into Place" [In Rainbows]
22. "Karma Police" [OK Computer]

-ENCORE II-
23. "House of Cards" [In Rainbows]
24. "The National Anthem" [Kid A]
25. "Spirit Street" [The Bends]

the only thing left to say is... my life's complete.

August 6, 2008

it might be country, but it's true.

I've changed the presets in my truck
so those old songs don't sneak up
they still find me and remind me
yeah, you come back that easy
try restaurants I've never been to
order new things off the menu
that I never tried cause you didn't like
two drinks in you were by my side

I've talked to friends
I've talked to myself
I've talked to God
I prayed liked hell, but I still miss you
I tried sober, I tried drinking
I've been strong and I've been weak
and I still miss you
I've done everything to move on like I'm supposed to
I'd give anything for one more minute with you
I still miss you

I never knew til you were gone
how many pages you were on
it never ends, I keep turning
and line after line and you are there again
I dont know how to let you go
you are so deep down in my soul
I feel helpless, so hopeless
its a door that never closes
no, I don't know how to do this

I've talked to friends
I've talked to myself
I've talked to God
I prayed liked hell, but I still miss you
I tried sober, I tried drinking
I've been strong and I've been weak
and I still miss you
I've done everything to move on like I'm supposed to
I'd give anything for one more minute with you
I still miss you yeah

I still miss you...

July 31, 2008

hate. hate. hate.

it's been five weeks, and i miss him.
a lot.

July 22, 2008

moving?

i think i'm going to move to columbus with my sister.

July 5, 2008

mixing seasonal people with lifetime expectations.

i was bored today, so i watched a film. i think this was a good choice considering the monologue of one of the characters...

"it's ok to sit around, be depressed for a minute, cry about it, do what you have to, but don't stay there too long. get up and go on with your life. this is what i've learned - if someone wants to walk out of your life, let them go. especially if you know you've done everything you could do, been the best woman you could be and they still want to go... let them go. whatever they're running after, they'll see what they had after a minute, but it'll be too late. you'll sit there and cry about it, but just think, in two or three years, you won't even remember their last name. how many times have you seen people and been like "what the hell was i thinking?? i must have been lonely as hell to hook up with you." just let folks go. some people come into your life for a lifetime and some come for a season. you have to know which is which. and you're going to always mess up when you mix seasonal people up with lifetime expectations. i know some who have married people they were only supposed to be with for a season, and they wonder why they're having so much hell in their lives. that was a person who was supposed to come and teach you one thing. you didn't know it so you fell in love, and now you wonder why you don't have peace anywhere you go. i put everyone who comes into my life in a category of a tree. some people are like leaves on a tree - when the wind blows, they're over here, unstable. when it blows the other way, they move with it. seasons change, they whither and die. it's ok, though. most people in the world are like that. they're just there to take from the tree and give shade every now and then. that's all they can do. but don't get mad at people like that. it's just who they are, what they were put on this earth to do. some people are like branches on a tree. you have to be careful with the branches, too because they can fool you. they'll make you think they're a good friend and real strong but the minute you step out on them, they'll break and leave you high and dry. but if you find two or three people in your life that are like the roots at the bottom of the tree, you are blessed. those are the kind of people that aren't going anywhere. when you get some roots you have to hold on to them but as far as the others - just let them go. let folks go. and nobody said it'll be easy, but it will get easy when you learn to love yourself. when you get to a point in your life where you look at people and say "ok, wait a minute, you or me?" you will make a decision. i've never thrown anyone away, never told anyone to stop talking to me. what i do is say "ok, look, this thing you're doing is causing a problem. you need to fix it because if we're going to be friends and you don't, we're going to have an issue." if you see someone fix it or even try to fix it, that's someone who cares. keep those people around. that's a leaf that's trying to grow up and be something else. but if you're telling someone that what they're doing is hurting you and they keep doing it, they don't really care. move on. let them go. no matter how much it hurts, let them go. and it'll get easier. every day it'll get easier, but you just have to make it through."

July 3, 2008

that's what You are.

you are not a god created by human hands. you are not a god dependent on any mortal man. you are not a god in need of anything we can give. by your plan, that's just the way it is...

you are God alone. from before time began you were on your throne. you were God alone. and right now, in the good times and bad, you are on your throne, and you are God alone.

you're the only god whose power none can contend. you're the only god whose name and praise will never end. you're the only god whose worthy of everything we can give. you are God, that's just the way it is...

unchangeable, unshakable, unstoppable... that's what You are.

July 2, 2008

funny how quickly things change.

i don't want anyone to ever ask about or mention zachary again... and i mean never again.

he has been so hurtful and so cruel the past few days. i don't want to ever talk about him or think about him or anything ever again. he is dead to me.

i'm changing my phone number so he can't call or text me. i'll let you all know my new number as soon as i get it.

June 21, 2008

kickass.

im happy. thats all.